hell0s ! i'm back with a fine mood ..
firstly , thank you meimei , thanks for asking abt me ..
explanation on why my previous few post were like reflecting a different me ..
well , recently i feel very fed up with myself , mood swings ..
i guess it's because many things are happening at a time .. i don't know how to cope .. i'm stucked ..
problems mainly from family and relationship , and myself ..
but i think my family and relationship matter is settled alrd ..
it's just myself that i have to learn to cope myself ..
i cannot be slacking so much , cannot be working so hard .. i need to give time to myself ..
i'll have to relax myself , not stress myself out .. get those negative thoughts , be it slashing or suicidal thoughts out of my head ..
for the past few days , it was just faking all along ..
deep down , i don't know myself .. i don't know what happened to me , i don't know what i was thinking .. i didn't know how to handle all these ..
it's been some time since i felt like doing silly stuffs .. i cried for 3 hrs that night , really wanted to die at that point of time .. but i thought of everyone ard me , they wouldn't want this to happen .. esp those who are close to me and those who love me ..
so i tried to give up on that thought .. i wasn't feeling good when i woke up in the morning , i had wished that it was a nightmare .. but as fast as the problem came , it went off ..
i felt relaxed , things were beginning to turn for the better ..
but for now , i'll really have to learn .. to stand from where i fell ..
i don't want to be sad , don't want ppl to worry for me ..
i'm going to throw all those stupid thoughts away , cont to live on ..
( i looked out from my house window yest , looked at the beautiful blue sky , how good it is that i'm still alive to see that nice sky up there .. i don't want end up dead flat on the ground floor , bleeding non-stop .. )
but somehow , i still need time to cool myself down , from all those frustrations , anger and sadness .. sorry ..
ok , shall stop here ..
good luck to everyone for exams and jiayous !

to be alone , let me think ..