what is love ?

hell0s ! it has been a week since i updated ! and it has been a few days since i really used the comp ! for the past few days , i used the comp just to check my timetable and nothing else ! well , i can see that i won't have the time to entertain myself on the comp very soon ..
cos' i'm busy with studies , CCA and revision ! of cos' some time for myself ..
know what ? i'm starting revision next week ! which is tomorrow ! and tomorrow is the release of O's results .. i'm mentally prepared that i won't get an A for emath .. but somehow disappointed ..
don't think about it , hahas ..
anyway the first week of sch was a little stressful .. we have teachers coming in to tell us about O's this year .. every subject teacher that comes in remind us of it too !
time is running fast and in a blink of an eye , i'll be taking Chi O's on 30 May !!!
left with 4mths plus to prepare and with my current standard , i think i can't make it to an A !
so i've got to work much more harder for an A ! i would really like to drop Chi ~
1mth plus to CT .. so starting revision from tomorrow onwards is a right choice ! jiayous ~!
i guess i had my fun last year , i've slacked quite a lot last year but lesser as compared to 2009 ..
so now , it's the time to study really hard .. i hope i will be able to manage my time , CCA and studies ..
and in term 2 , focus studies !
i'm satisfied with where i'm seated right now ^^ i can concentrate much better !! ^^
so , i'll not be using the comp so often anymore .. so eventually , my blog will start to rot .. hahas ..
but do tune in for post every weekend ! =D i'll try to post if i have the time .. or if i'm not lazy .. hahas ..
enough about studies ..

my relationship with boonsiong has reached the rocky part again ..
for the past one week , i've been having doubts and feeling insecure ..
i almost lost him on 1 Jan , the start of the year .. i thought i was really going to lose him again on Thurs ..
it's still kind of unstable right now , but i really hope things will work out fine for the both of us ..
i really have to learn to trust , be more understanding and less controlling ..
and dear , i really hope you will control ..
kind of stress right now .. i don't really know what to do anymore ..
cos' it just feels like we're ending soon .. i don't want that to happen ..
i don't want what happened yest to happen everytime we meet .. i don't want it to happen anymore .. until i'm ready for it ..
i have to stop thinking so much ..
i have to stop asking those qns , so should i keep it to myself or should i talk to you about those feelings ? i'm lost ..
anyway yest was dear's graduation parade at the marina float ..
hahas congrats dear ! you've passed the 2mths BMT at Tekong ! no more Tekong for you ! hahas ..
i still think he look very smart in the smart4 ^^
yest was also our 3yrs 9mths , we went to watch " the ghost must be crazy " at 5plus ..
before that , we were at his hse resting ~
i love you dear , i don't want to lose you ..
i know i'll not lose you , but it just feels like it will happen ..
i don't want a day to come when i wake up and realise that you're not mine anymore .. i'm sorry ..

i guess very soon , everything will happen again .. those feelings , those scoldings , those insults , running away , the dying feeling ..
i feel so stress and so upset whenever i am at home and he's around ..
is it cos' i'm still easily affected by him ? i don't think this is the reason anymore ..
it's the past and the present , which keeps replaying everything again and again ..
how am i supposed to let go of the past and move on ..
i don't know .

love is when you forgive him/her times and again , you try to trust him/her again despite being hurt ..
have fun later on , dear ..