mid of march ~

hell0s ! it's been a long time since i updated ! 3 weeks !! OMG .. hahas ..
well , for the past few weeks , i have been really busy , with school and CCA ..
drill competition has finally ended and we got a bronze ..
it was below our expectation but nevertheless , i think it was a job well done ! congratulations to all of us ! but something that i'm really happy about is that the bond between us strengthened through this 5 mths of training !
i love you all ! =D

ok , next term when school reopens , it'll be really busy , stressful , tough !
focus study everyday with the piles of homework .. time management ..
i'm really going to stop procrastinating .. i did badly for CT .. didn't listen to class , slacking , procrastinating ..
IT'S REALLY TIME TO WAKE UP !!
so jiayous everyone ! ^^

anyway , i'm alrd 17 .. but well , i think so far , 2011 sucks ..
it's not any better as compared to 2010 ..
but this time round , it's not because of my family .. but maybe a small part ..
but mostly , it's me .. myself ..
i'm feeling weird .. it's not mood swings .. i know for sure it's not ..
cos' it's constant , almost everyday .. i torture myself with feelings that i hate feeling it but i don't know why i still do ..
i'm trying my best to think positively .. i'm trying my best to avoid suicidal thoughts .. but sometimes , it just won't work ..
i feel like breaking down , i feel like dying , i feel like giving up on everything ..
the way i feel just affects the ppl around me a lot .. esp dear and my mum ..
i'm really sorry ..
i don't know what to do .. i'm really sorry for hitting you yest when we quarrelled about my mum's bday celebration .. i'm sorry for letting go of your hand .. i'm sorry for walking away .. i'm sorry for hurting you ..
and mummy , i'm really sorry for always losing my patience at you , for always raising my voice at you , for letting you feel that you're not worth my attention ..
i'm sorry ..
i just feel like giving up on everything i have , on life , on relationship , on family , on friendship , on studies ..
basically , everything ..
i'm still trying my best to trust again , to stand up from wherever i fell , to pull myself through all these emotions , to pull myself away from this situation ..
it's not going to be easy , i will fall through the process .. i hope i will still have the strength to move on .. for myself , for ppl who love me .. for my future ..
ok , enough about me ..

Japan is currently facing an extremely terrible earthquake and tsunami ..
i pray that everything will end soon and the ppl are safe ..
i hope that the world will be safe .. hope that all these disasters will cease soon ..

anyway , my bro , Shirley , dear and I went to IMM Long Beach restaurant to celebrate my mum's bday in advance yest .. felt really full !
i hope my mum had a great time there =D getting her a present tomorrow ! ^^

i shall stop here , byebyes !

if you're going through hell , keep going .