heys ! one whole post for you ~ honoured not ? hahas
it's been a super long time since I dedicate a post to you .
wanted to do it on fb instead but you deleted your acc. so I guess this is the fastest and best way to tell you things ..
probably what you're gonna read below might hurt you but I definitely don't mean to hurt you .
and probably you'll find it contradicting cos' I'm gonna advise you on some things which I fail to tell myself that whenever I feel like ending everything or giving up on life .. eh I hope you understand what I'm saying cos' I don't really understand it myself LOL ..
ok ..
recently I've just read your blog posts and found out that you've deleted your fb acc.
I guess that's not a very easy thing to do ? I don't think I can ever do that cos' it seriously contains lots of memories ( though I've said that I wanted to delete my acc. =X )
so from your blog posts , I can see that life is not getting any better for you ..
to be honest , I'm going through a tough period too ..
just that I'm really trying to stay positive and I really hope you can do the same as well ..
I know it's a lot tougher for you but I've never once given up on you :)
at times you may think that I don't care about you cos' I treat you coldly or don't initiate to talk to you , but I'm really worried about you esp. when you want to give up again .
your family and friends may get tired of you , but do rmb that I'm always here :)
probably I just got tired of trying to handle all the things that are happening ard me , but I'm more than willing to lend you a listening ear whenever you need someone to talk to .
and I MEAN IT .
if you ever need someone to talk to , you can just sms me and I'll try my best to take time off from work and accompany you :)
I just hope you'll understand if I'm really very busy ..
but even so , I'll be able to sms you or talk to you on the phone if that's easier for you ..
I guess something happened between you and that guy though you denied ..
plus whatever that's happening now , your friends , studies , family , health ..
all come together at one go so you feel tired and want to give up on life ..
dying is really not a solution ..
you want to take a break , sure , but not death .
if you will feel better if you stop sch for awhile , then go ahead .
you know , though I am also facing so many problems myself , I still want to help you .
though I'm hurt that you don't want to listen to me after countless times , I still want to be there for you .
why ? rmb what I said when we just started hanging out ?
I told you , ' I'll be there for my friend once I decide to let him/her in to my life . ' ..
even if we're not that close anymore , I still care ..
whenever you want to give up , I feel more worried than guilty ..
not cos' I might be the cause of your death , but cos' you're my friend and I truly care about you .
think abt it , if I don't care about you , why would I keep trying to stop you from giving up for so many times ?
I don't need anything in return , I don't expect you to do anything , I don't expect anything from you but I just need and want you to carry on with life .
your existence might not mean a lot to some ppl , they might not be bothered abt you or they just pretend to be good with you ..
but you certainly mean something to your family and to me , you're my friend .
you know I've lost faith in friendship , but I still choose to trust that you'll listen to me .
I'm thinking for you and at times , I just pray for you though I'm not a believer of God ..
like when you got admitted into the hosp , when you msged me and told me to take care and everytime you want to give up on life , I pray for you .
you said you don't have a meaning in life . then I shall help you along to find it :)
I know it's not easy pretending that you don't care when you actually do ..
I know it's not easy to think positive when life's giving you so much more reasons to give up .
but always rmb , you're not alone :)
life is not something you can play with , treasure it , taste life and I'm sure one day you'll find meaning to it and in future when you think back , you'll find yourself silly .
I WANT TO BE THE ONE , WHO STAYS IN YOUR LIFE , GUIDES YOU BACK TO OPTIMISM EVEN WHEN THE WHOLE WORLD CHOOSES TO WALK OUT :)
