I've been feeling so miserable for 8 MONTHS and I just can't fight away this feeling .
I've to STOP dwelling on the past , I've to MOVE ON .
just one mistake you make and ppl will remember it forever .
I trusted and mixed with the wrong company .
for the past 2 YEARS , I've always felt being left out and IN FACT , I was .
but what did I do or say ? NOTHING . I CONTINUED LETTING PPL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME , TAKE ME FOR GRANTED , HURT ME .
nothing has changed . things just got worse for me .
I've learnt , never to meddle in others' affairs too much .
the ppl I cherished a lot , hurt me .
the ppl I trusted are now the ones I stay away from .
why ? because I've lost faith in friendship .
know what ?
DON'T EVER TELL ME YOU'LL BE THERE FOR ME NO MATTER WHAT WHEN YOU DON'T FUCKING MEAN IT .
that's the biggest lie ppl told me .
I admitted I was somehow wrong when I didn't side with my friend .
but friends don't always have to side with each other right ? I stand up for what I think is best and right .
ppl think it's wrong when I ' betrayed ' her , I apologised .
but have they ever thought how it felt for me ? NO . all they ever thought of is that I am a betrayer , someone who is not trustworthy .
you want to help your friend but you know that's not the best for her .
in the end , ppl think that I'm not a good friend . wanting the best for your friend isn't a good thing ?
whatever I've said was just deemed as betrayal .
you said we'll never turn out this way but we still did .
you know how hurting it is for me ?
cos' of what happened , I've lost complete faith in friendship since then and that , added on to my insecurities .
I'm just too stupid to forgive and give in every single time even if I felt hurt .
but what's done is done .
but know why it's so hard to let go and why I'm still suffering after 8 mths ? cos' they were the ppl I trusted a lot , a lot more compared to my family , my boyf and my other friends .
I've to MOVE ON . there's seriously no point being stucked in the past , nothing's gonna change .
I've to ACCEPT THE FACT THAT WE'RE NO LONGER GOOD FRIENDS .
I've to know that no matter what I do , I'll still be left out cos' it's either I leave myself out or they don't bother about me .
I don't have to gain acceptance from others , I don't have to try to fit in , I am myself .
I've to LET GO , they're probably not going to feature in my life few years later .
and I want to leave .
the past keeps haunting me . sometimes I feel so lost I don't even know what to do .
probably leaving is the best .
I trusted the wrong ppl so I'm gonna make sure I don't commit the same mistake again or allow ppl to hurt me again and again .
I have tried my best and I've fulfilled my duty as a friend of theirs .
but since they don't appreciate , I think there's no point in staying too .
I've always been helping others , comforting my friends , listening to them even when I can't help myself .
so this time round , I'm gonna save myself . LEAVE .
on the postive side , life's not that bad .
I've lost a few good friends but I've gained also another few close friends :)
