so many thoughts running through my mind right now ..
where did I go ? 
can't believe that till today , I'm still feeling sad over a friendship that isn't even worth my sadness , effort and time .
it's like when she left , when she told me that , she took away a part of me which I can nv get it back , she took away my smile , she took away me .
why did I let that happen ? will I ever get that part of me and that smile of mine back ?
why does it seem like my life is so screwed up ?
why is every important part of my life so messed up ?
why do I have so many troubles ?
family , relationship and friendship , financial prob .
I'm so tired , really really very very tired . but I know I can't stop here .
I'm kind of dreading each new day , I don't know how long more I've to feel like this . crap . shit . lousy . worthless . useless .
nowadays all I want is to end , everything .
I wish I can slp off everything , and wake up feeling ok .
I don't mind protecting someone and getting myself hurt/dead even , cos' truth to be told , the main reason is cos' I'm really sick of this . I don't even mind dying , not even scared of death anymore . the other reason is cos' I want to protect the ppl I love and cherish ..
I really wonder if I would kill myself one day ..
heard that if we happen to lose our memory , it's often the painful parts we lose ..
quite sure if that happens to me , I would lose my past .
but I don't really want to , cos' I don't want to forget the good memories and the impt ppl in my life .
but again , can I just lose my memory ?
everyday feels so .. empty . lost . I don't know .
why is this getting more and more difficult ..
I wonder when will be the day I be happy again ..
I tried my best not to be like this , but it seems to be getting worse ..
so damn tired .