getting better ?

hell0s ! it's been a week since i posted ! and i'm back ~!
hahas i found time to blog ! if i can find time to blog , then i can also find time for other things :)
shall talk about the whole week now ..

well , the whole week was kind of stressful , emotional and bad for me ..
i thought things were getting better , but only for one , two days and it was bad again ..
why ? is it always that we're ok and not ok the next minute , the next day or a few days after the quarrel ..
i can feel the tension still there , so what's the situation now ?
and are we even ok right now ? even if we are , what about the future ? what about the next few days ?
i guess i'm quite affected by the situation at home ..
i might appear to be ok , but inside me , i'm feeling so vex and upset ..
now my emath prelim P1 is just tomorrow and CT2 has started , i feel more stressed ..
stress from the situation at home has been brought over to my studies ..
i can't concentrate , i blanked out when doing revisions , i feel so useless , i want to give up , i want to cry , i feel like dying ..
on Thursday back home alone , i was doing my POA and Chem. homework ..
i didn't know how to do , i felt so lousy , i vented my anger that i bottled up on myself ..
i hit myself on my leg real hard , kept torturing myself , thinking that this way the answer or solution would come to me ..
i know that's stupid , i didn't feel the pain at first , it only came after quite some time ..
i teared .. i thought of something foolish again , since i saw that the window was opened , but managed to push away that thought ..
on Friday at the library with meimei , i was halfway through my emath revision P2 when i couldn't solve a question ..
immediately , i felt so angry with myself , felt very fed up ..
i calmed down after a while but got fed up again .. then meimei took away my paper , i guess it helped ..
but i took out my mechanical pencil and started breaking the leads , tears welled up but i managed to keep it in ..
i felt really down , i started on my TYS questions and felt better ..
so what's the problem with me ? everything just came at a time where my prelims are so so near ! i felt a little stress , things that happened gave me more stress ..
i'm so afraid i wouldn't do well in my prelims and he would start scolding me , not even seeing how much effort i put in ..
it is difficult for me to manage the stress from studies and the stress from the situation at home ..
i felt so depressed , sometimes i'm ok , sometimes i'm not ..
i even lost my appetite , now there's abdominal pain ..
overall , it was quite a bad week for me , except the weekends !

i'm feeling a little better now , i tried to push away all the negative thoughts ..
like telling myself " the day ahead wouldn't be so bad , be positive ! "
hahas .. and thanks a lot to those who tried to calm me down , cheer me up , comfort me and help me ! greatly appreciated ! ^^
i will be able to pull through this stress ! jiayous !
yest i went to study with meimei again , revison for P1 done ! ^^ now i just have to memorise the formulas !
i was very calm yest , happy revision ! all thanks to my positive thoughts !
i met dear yest , he went back at 1plus ..
hahas and he sang a part of " Ju Hua Tai " to me ! nice voice ! hahas .. meeting him later to study , i think i shall go and shower now , eat with my mum ! hahas ..
so i'll stop here , tune in the next week ! i know the post is long , but thank you to the ppl who cared ! loves ♥!

kill the stress !