heys !
I feel quite empty now ?
ever have this feeling when you feel alone even though there are really people who loves you ?
I'm scared of being abandoned , scared of being neglected , scared of being hurt ..
but nobody really understands what I'm going through , how I'm feeling ..
I'm so good at pretending that I'm happy , that I'm ok , so much that I've ' lost ' my ability to feel ..
so much that I'm so angry with myself , sometimes angry with people around me , sometimes angry with the world ..
I thought I would feel better after completion of Os , but in fact it got worst ..
shows that I haven't been facing up to my problems ?
BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG !?!??
I don't want to feel this way too , I don't want to get upset everyday ..
I no longer know myself , I lost myself ..
one minute I can be so happy , another minute I can be so down .. sucks to be like this ..
I hate it when this happens , esp when I'm with my boyf and my mum .. I feel so messed up ..
I don't feel loved , don't feel appreciated ..
I CAN'T FEEL !
no matter how much people say they love me , no matter how much people say they appreciate me , I don't think so !
so what do I feel most of the time ? anger and sadness ..
why of all time now ? ok , I should be glad that it didn't come to me during Os ..
am I just overstress or is there really something wrong with me ?
anger is building up and the sadness in me is becoming overwhelming ..
I don't look forward to anything now .. I just want to start working asap , so be it if I'm trying to run away from my own feelings ..
how can I figure out what caused me to be so depressed when I don't know what is the problem ? I don't even know what is bothering me ! better off dead .
I feel like running to somewhere and shout my lungs out .
I want to talk it out but I don't know where to start ..
what happened to me ?
I feel like ending everything .. I'm really tired ..
no matter how much I try to control my thinking and feelings , it just has to come to me ..
no matter how much I tell myself that I will be fine , I'm not ..
who to turn to ?
