so much to say , but no idea where to start .
just when I thought that I'm becoming more positive , that life is getting better , I tripped myself down the bottom of the mountain again .
I start to doubt again , lose faith again and go through all those irritating emotions again .
I know it's part of growing up , part of life , but I'm tired .
how many times must I go through all these to be ok again ?
or is life playing with me ? to make me stronger ? I feel like crap .
everytime it's ' just when I thought ... ' , then shitty things have to happen .
there are things/people that make me happy and keep me going in life but there are also things that make me want to give up , at this moment .
next Monday is the release of posting results , something to look forward to .
so yes , my boyf is finally booking out tmr ~
ok so recently , we've been quarrelling like almost everyday ?
I don't like to quarrel with him but I just ... can't take it anymore .
not gonna mention the reason for quarrelling , gonna keep it btw the both of us .
I just hope that my boyf will rmb whatever I've said recently and whatever he has said .
and I hope we won't quarrel anymore .. cos' it's hurting ..
we've both hurt each other so much recently , sorry .
I've grown so attached to my boyf that it kills me to think that he's leaving to book in , needless to say a break up ?
probably he's not the one for me , but I want him to be the one .
when I'm still together with him , I will choose to believe that there's no other guy like him .
though I'm really tired ( not the tired of that person kind of tired , but mentally tired ) and at times I really want to let go of this relationship , I don't bear to and I don't want to .
we've been tgt for so long , nearing 5years alrd ..
we've gone through so much together and I don't want those tears and efforts to go to waste .
I can say that we both deserve better , but love kept us fighting for this relationship .
and I want to be special to him , that special someone who brings a smile on his face every so often , that special someone he thinks of everyday .
probably the unhappiness has alrd outweighed the happiness we share .
I guess most ppl would choose to break up when this happens ?
but I'm not giving up yet , I want to be with him and I choose to trust that he means whatever he has said recently .
till the day when things can no longer work out , then maybe I'll give up ..
but I really hope this day wouldn't come ..
I think I've a lot more to say , but I just can't think of any now ..
I love you so much , so much that it hurts ..
