I'm a person full of hatred now , full of anger , full of hurt .
when I flare up , I say really hurtful things to the ppl around me esp. towards my mum and my boyf .
and I know the things I say when I flare up makes no sense most of the time .
I tend to control my emotions even if my friends irritate me , I hide my feelings from them and pretend to be ok .
I have no idea why I'm like that .
probably I think they wouldn't care even if I told them why I'm so frustrated ..
probably I'm used to my mum's and boyf's presence and it's easier to flare up at them .
probably I'm starting to take them for granted ..
I'm really so tired of life , really so tired of feeling so nonsensical .
why am I still so angry , is it really time to really face up to all those problems ?
but actually there's nothing to resolve too ..
then what is it that I'm angry about ? why am I hating so much ..
I don't even know it myself .
my life is really so screwed up , so messed up ..
I'm really so tired ..
I keep telling myself to be positive , not to think so much , not to be so sensitive ..
cos' at the end of the day , it's not who understands you the best , it's about who continued to stay by your side even when you wanted to give up .
but I really can't do it , I really can't control my emotions well .
I really feel like giving up alrd , I'm losing my determination to live .
I'm so affected , so angry , so sad , so frustrated , so tired ..
I hate everything that's happening now and I'm angry at the ppl who screwed my life up ..
but I'm even more angry at myself , for letting ppl mess it up , for letting it affect me so much ..
why can't I move on ..
can anyone tell me that it's ok not to feel ok .. can anyone tell me that I will be ok ..
I'm starting to feel numb with all those negative feelings ..
but I can never let go ..
