Hi readers ! Sorry for not blogging for the past 2 mths .
I was busy preparing for my tests and exams and I started work at Zara during mid-August .
My school holiday officially started on 2 Sept and today's the last day of holiday .
I always wanted to blog during the holiday but I kept delaying it so here's a post before I go back to school tmr ~
Anyway , today was supposed to be my last day of work at Zara but I did an early termination of my 2 mths contract 2 weeks ago due to some reasons .
I can only say that the money I earn can't buy the time for me to spend with my loved ones and I'm glad I made that decision cos' for this 2 weeks , I finally felt that I am getting adequate rest and I am able to enjoy my holiday .
I've always been working during my holidays ever since O lvls ended and I'm so sick of working alrd , esp. after having worked at Zara .
It's not that it's not nice working over there but it's so exhausting and too routine .
I hope I would appreciate my studying life much more now since I've finally experienced how tiring it can be to do a full-time job .
So after leaving Zara , I spent the 2 remaining weeks of holiday meeting up with my secondary school and poly friends , going out with my mum , going out alone , dating with boyf , and reading a good book =D
I can finally say that I've spent my holiday well !
School's tmr , another new semester of study ~
I'm left with half of poly , that's so fast . I'm also left with 2 semesters to mug , after that it would be my internship !
I'm looking forward to internship though I've heard lots of negative remarks about it .
But till I experience it myself , I shall not let it affect me :)
My results for last semester was great ! My efforts finally paid off and I am happy to say that I achieved it due to the constant reminder to myself not to be complacent :)
I have to maintain this mindset so I can maintain my CGPA or even pull it up ! I must pull my CGPA up cos' it's too low for my course .
Got to work harder for the next two semesters . I'm kind of nervous for this coming semester cos' all the modules are so content-heavy !
On another note , I got the electives and CDS I wanted ! It's gonna be the last CDS I take in poly and hope I'll be able to get an A for this CDS too ! =D
I love my timetable too ~ So free but there's surely gonna be lots of assignments hahaha
I've been thinking about life this holiday , I can feel myself learning and growing up .
So many things have happened in my life , be it negative or positive .
I find myself starting to appreciate the little things in life .
Recently I went out with a friend and when we alighted from the train , the station was filled with the smell of paint , so smelly ! This was what I told my friend . But I suddenly reminded myself that it's not an easy task for the ppl who perform this job and why should I complain ?
Same goes to constructions , yes it's noisy but I always tell myself that the ppl who perform the constructions don't have it easy . Sometimes I see them working even when it's raining and even at night . Most of these ppl belong to another foreign country and we often make fun of them and sometimes our society perceive them as perverts . It's quite unfair isn't it ?
I see myself learning to look at the positive side of things , I see myself learning to appreciate things and ppl , and I see myself learning to view things from others' perspectives .
I love this process of growing up cos' it's so positive and it makes me feel like I'm becoming a better person .
However , growing up isn't that easy cos' there's a mixture of positives and negatives .
When did I first had the thought of dying ? 4 yrs ago . Why ? Family issues .
Why then did I still continue to have that thought ? Many reasons - family , relationship , friendship , studies .
I probably could have been diagnosed with depression four yrs back , I could have died if I executed my death plans .
Till today , I feel that I'm not a complete person .
I lost control of my life , I allowed whatever negative things that happened to affect me greatly . I allowed it to happen .
I allowed my past to come into my present , but I'm gonna stop it now .
Right now , I am not a happy person , I am not secure with my relationships with ppl , I am flawed .
Nobody's perfect , I know .
But I see my flaws and I'm not gonna just accept it like it is cos' I know I am more than what I am now .
I can be happy , I can be secure , I can stop wallowing in self-pity , I can stop letting my past affect me .
I have control in my life .
Nowadays , I try too hard to be happy .
Nowadays , I can be so happy at one point and then so down at another .
This will stop .
I am gonna control my emotions and thoughts , I believe that I will truly be happy one day .
I believe that I can overcome negative things that happened or will happen to me .
I will learn to accept and let go of my past and live a much more fulfilled life .
I shall rmb to appreciate things and ppl while growing up .
There's so much to say , so much to do , so much to learn .
I'm gonna take it slow and make sure I become a better person :)
" An apology from the ppl who hurt you ain't gonna change anything nor bring you closure , but accepting that you were hurt and letting go and moving on is . "
