I'm currently having my holiday , which would end next Wed . I'm going back to school for a new term from next Thurs onwards ~
I've been going out everyday , either alone , with friends , or with my boyf .
I've also made it a point to pick out a few days to study and do assignments , esp. this week , so that I wouldn't have to rush next week and when school reopens :)
Not sure if I have mentioned , but I will not be working anymore until my internship , cos' I am really sick of working or doing something I don't enjoy or like doing .
So the next time I work would be next year during internship ! =D
I guess I've spent this holiday well so far , feeling happy most of the time , doing some of the things I enjoy doing , and exploring new places !
Of cos' , I guess I have gotten quite some rest as well :)
Anyway , I will be typing reflections for 2013 in this post (reflections for myself will be done in another post) .
To start off , FAMILY .
Family ♥
Shifting to a small house may seem negative to some .
Yes , it probably is sometimes .
But , I feel that there's something positive about it for me .
It is the bond between my mum , my brother , and I .
As we're all staying in the same room , we see each other a lot and so we talk to each other more often , as compared to the past .
Because of this , we've grown closer than before and I really feel happier being closer with them , esp. with my brother ♥
I have never talked much about my relationship with my brother in my blog before , but I want to today .
My relationship with my brother was real good when we were still young .
My brother taught me how to cycle , how to swim , how to be independent , and many more . I used to follow my brother and his friends around too .We would often get caned together by my mum for misbehaving .
Although sometimes it seemed like my brother was bullying me , I knew he only wanted to have fun and still cared for and love me .
However, when my brother entered adolescence , he became very rebellious and often verbally bullied me , even in front of his friends and my friends .
We grew distant as we communicated lesser .
Things between us turned for the better since my brother entered ITE , probably because he matured .
We began to talk more and even talk about our personal problems sometimes :)
Now we can even joke about how he used to bully me in the past ! LOL
Even though we may not talk every single day , I know that we still care for each other .
Even though my brother may seem ignorant about the family situation most of the times , I know he is sometimes afraid and he knows what he is doing .
Whatever negative thing anyone says about my brother doesn't matter , cos' to me , he is the best brother ! ♥
He's the brother who takes good care of his little sister , who protects his little sister , who stands up for his little sister when she is/was being bullied , who teaches his little sister life lessons , who celebrates his little sister's birthday , who buys gifts for his little sister , who quietly care and look out for his little sister .
I love my brother ♥♥
I don't have a picture with my brother , but I'm gonna make sure I take one with him before 2013 ends !
Besides being closer to my brother , I have grown closer to my mum as well ♥
I slowly learnt to protect my mum using my own ways and I learnt to stand up for her .
Even though I do not have the financial means to protect my mum , I learnt to use my love , my concern , and my attention to protect her .
My mum is always there for me , always trying to protect me , yet putting herself in danger sometimes .
It is and will be the same for me as well .
It doesn't matter how dangerous it can be , cos' for us , we're important to each other , as well as to my brother .
However , it saddens me and I feel guilty for not spending quality time with my mum .
I love my mum and I want her to know that I appreciate her . I will use my actions to show her that I appreciate her
To me , my mum is the best mum ♥♥
My life would be so so so different without the both of them .
I'm thankful , grateful , and appreciative for having them in my life ♥♥
Much have happened at home since 2012 and there were quite a number of really bad experiences , which I will not mention here .
But through all of it , I have learnt a lot .
Relationship ♥
Things have been going well for my boyf and I recently and we're a lot happier now =D
There was a long period of time when our relationship met quite a number of obstacles and setbacks and there were also a lot of heated arguments too .
But I'm so glad that we're fine now and loving still ♥
I'm really glad to have my boyf in my life cos' he's always around for me :)
My boyf plays an important role in my life , in addition to my mum and brother ♥
Even though my boyf may not always address issues both of us are facing or I'm facing , I know that I can go to him and talk about it whenever I need or want to .
My boyf may not be the most romantic or sweetest partner , but I know he has his own unique ways of making me feel special . Even simple little things he do , like opening the can for me , is enough to make me feel loved and special ♥
There's too much about my boyf that I'm thankful , grateful , and appreciative for and it's gonna be so much to type for now . I would probably do another post some other time or maybe just let him know in our blog .
Anyway , I feel proud of my boyf too ~
It's been 3 mths since my boyf started working and he has been really responsible for his work ~ Going to work dutifully and making sure he does his work to his best effort ♥
Because of this , it somehow assures me that my boyf would be responsible for me and for our relationship , and of cos' for his and my family as well ♥
I'm slowly learning to appreciate my boyf and learning to love him for who he is .
For now , I'm first learning to accept little parts of him that wouldn't affect our relationship by much , such as the language and slang he uses .
Yes , I know it's ridiculous to be so mindful about such things , but I'm somehow particular about it .
I'm gonna learn to accept it cos' I think my boyf really deserves a better me for his unconditional love for me and for all that he had done good and right ♥
I know I'm progressing already =D
I never really talked about such stuffs in my blog posts in the past cos' I feel embarrassed . But now I don't feel that way anymore cos' I know that I've truly thought through it before making such a decision .
It's been really long since things felt so right between my boyf and I , thus I appreciate all these good and happy moments , and I'm sure we'll grow stronger together as each new day comes for us ♥
I love my boyf ♥♥
Friendship ♥
The only thing I'm certain about now is that I can't bring myself to trust friendships fully .
Ever since what happened 2.5 yrs ago , similar incidents seem to keep happening to me .
The feeling of being used , the feeling of being treated as a back-up , the feeling of being betrayed .
I really wonder if the problem lies in me or are these feelings actually true ?
Recently , I've also been wondering if I would be happier now if I ignored those feelings 2.5 yrs ago .
I wonder if I would still be hanging out with those people I was close to for the first four years in secondary school . Would I be happier today if I still hanged out with them ?
If I ignored those feelings , would I feel like I am experiencing the same thing today ?
There are too many questions left unanswered for the past few years .
I don't really know what to do when I re-experience those feelings now ; all I think of is to back away and distant myself .
I still can't bring my guards down and I'm really sorry to those whom I may have indirectly hurt while distancing myself away from you , esp. to those people I'm closer with , from secondary school and poly .
I don't want to take 18 mths to get over a close friend , or someone who never treated me as one .
I still cherish my friendships ♥
